I know I am not always a good friend.
Sometimes I feel myself pulling away from interactions and wanting to just be in my own bubble in my free time. It’s safe there. Sometimes it is because I’m feeling down, sometimes I’m just busy. A lot of the time I am distracted. And sometimes I just don’t want to set myself up for disappointment in other people. I have seen so much happen and so many things said between friends that have led to mistrust. If they will talk to me about other people…does that mean they are talking about me to other people? And that’s where the wall goes up.
But you know what brings me out? When a friend reaches out with a text that says how are you? When someone sends a message that says I am thinking about you…praying for you….or just here’s something I thought you would like. It jolts me back to realizing how important a kind word is. How important it is to continue to reach out. Some people can act so together in person that we don’t realize that they are lonely and isolated.
I think social media has been the slow death of true friendships. It has given us a false sense of “connecting”. What it has really done is allowed us to connect from a distance. “Like” a visual representation of what’s going on in someone’s life. Offer an online prayer for someone going through a hard time. But in reality it has become a virtual version of the church phone tree that unfortunately turns into the gossip tree. And then when we actually see someone in person at the store or on the street, we barely speak. Just a quick smile and a how are you?
Social media has also given us the impression that our friends’ lives are perfect and they have it all together. So if they have it all together and we know that we don’t, then we really don’t want to share how imperfect our lives are, how we are struggling with so many things, how we are tired and our kitchen is piled with dishes from two days ago.
We have lost real connections. Holding someone’s hand while they tell you of their last diagnosis. Handing a friend a hot dish at the front door so they don’t have to think about dinner but know immediately that you were thinking of them and cared. Reaching out to invite someone to go shopping with you rather than going alone because it’s just easier.
If social media disappeared tomorrow how would we know what is going on in the lives of our friends? Of our community?
Here are some things I read in a recent devotional from Proverbs31 Ministries that I think we all would want to hear from a friend to know we are still connected to them. Maybe it’s a good start to how we can all begin to reconnect and minister to our friends.
- “You’re awesome!”
(Romans 12:12: “Be joyful in hope”)
The world is quick to tell us all the ways we fall short. We are hyper-aware of our faults and frailties. So what a precious gift to remind someone of specific ways they are a wonderful friend, a wonderful parent, a wonderful spouse, a wonderful coworker, a wonderful person. This will be more than just a compliment. This is helping infuse a little joy into their hope.
2.” Me too“
(Romans 12:12: “patient in affliction”)
What a blessing to remind a friend that we all have afflictions, hurts, faults and tender places. We all get sick both emotionally and physically.
The patient friend freely gives grace because she so desperately needs it herself. “Me too” acknowledges I’m no better than you, but together, we are stronger. It’s such a loving and disarming admission that we’re all in this together.
3. “I’ll pray.”
(Romans 12:12: “faithful in prayer”)
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to tell a friend that every time you see a specific color, object or number, you’ll use it as a reminder to pray for him or her? And when you do, shoot that friend a quick text letting them know.
4. “I’ll share.”
(Romans 12:13a: “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.”)
When we notice a need in a friend’s life, might we be willing to step in and be part of the solution?
The writer shares that they recently had a friend whose wedding plans were canceled due to COVID-19. Their family pulled their resources together and had a small wedding planned for them in eight hours. It wasn’t the perfect day they envisioned, but they showed up for them in the best way they could to make their day beautiful. And them just simply seeing the need, and sharing what they had to make their day special, made the sweetest memories for their friend. She even later wrote in a post on her social media, “It was the most magical day.”
5. “Come over.”
(Romans 12:13b: “Practice hospitality.”)
Welcoming a friend inside the sacred space of our home is such a needed gesture. There’s just something about relationships that are less pixelated when we get eye to eye, voice to voice, and talk.
Really talk.
Over broken bread we share broken hearts. And then we celebrate the parts of us that are still intact.
We reach across the table and across our differences to grab hold of the glorious bond of friendship. As we purposefully ease the loneliness ache in others, we will see it is beautifully eased in us.
I imagine that what your heart needs to hear is exactly what others you encounter need to hear too. Let’s make a pact to be better friends to others rather than waiting on them to find us.